FAQ concerning BDSM Berlin
Why would you need an association for this?
BDSM is a very personal topic. Many people first have to and want to learn to deal with it. We inform, educate and offer people the opportunity to become familiar with the topic of BDSM.
There are usually different events for this: monthly open meetings monthly, one theme evening, an information evening for beginners, as well as irregular workshops on specific techniques. In the calendar you will find all current events.
Is it important to become a member?
Well, yes and no:
Yes, because with your membership you support the association and allow all the fun things to happen that the club organizes.
No, because even though you are not a member, these things are still available for you.
There are so many offers. Where do I begin?
A visit to our beginners' meeting is a good starting point. There you meet other people in a small group who are just as new, nervous and insecure as you are. The experienced hosts take away the first fears and answer all questions, you can exchange ideas with others at ease. This makes the first time a great experience and encourages you to take the next step.
When and where will the meetings, munches and workshops be held?
Every week there will be between one or two munches. Once a month there will be a beginners meet and greet, as well as the themed get-togethers. All dates and times as well as all the locations to the appropriate events you can find in the calendar.
What's a Munch?
A munch is a get-together of people within the same interest group in a public environment, often a bar or restaurant. It is basically a place in public, where newbies can come to, make their first impressions, meet people, learn new things, but also for "old-timers" to meet friends and have great conversations, laughs and much else. Munches are in public, so not fetish wear is normally allowed.
Munches were first developed through the members of the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage, but by know have spread over most of the world and can be found in nearly every bigger city.
Who is going to a munch?
Everyone who has an interest in the topic of SM, being it that they practice themselves or are just curious and want information.
Can I just come to one of these munches?
Of course. The munches are held in local pubs and restaurants, first of all to take away the fear of meeting unknown people in unknown and potentially dangerous places. Basically in a regular bar or restaurant there is no differentiation between patrons. In the midst of the group itself, everyone can stay anonymous and doesn't even have to talk about his or her sexual preferences.
I dont have a sitter. Can I bring my child?
Please don't. We are not doing anything harmful for children but we also want to discourage discussions about kids at the munches. We are aware of the problems this might inflict on parents, but are at this point in time not able to do anything against it. We hope you understand our point of view and are able to find a sitter for the next one.
I am not of age. Can I come anyways?
We are sorry, but no. We know that the interest in the lifestyle does often awaken before the 18th birthday. But sadly, all our events at this point in time are for people of age at this point. This has several reasons. First of all, we want to protect ourselves from a legal point of view. Mostly we would probably win, but why take a chance when there is no need. Secondly, the attendance of minors often hinders the discussion of the adults present. We do however offer minors the option of personal-, email- or phone-chats. We can also refe you to the special youth sm website: www.smjg.org.
If this is so in the open, wouldn't there be a chance of outing myself?
The first big step outside is the hardest and normally the only one that's in your way is yourself. Normally after a few months most people realize that the guest sitting next to you in the restaurant or bar doesn't care why you are here or what you talk about.
The biggest fear is often the one to meet friends of family by accident and how to explain yourself to them. First of all: Somebody who comes to the same group you do, won't out you, since you could do the same. And why would they anyways? Plus, often there are not only lifestylers at the munches. Some bring family and friends, which makes it easier to explain when you meet some of your own.
I have a very public job or am a person of public interest and don't want to be outed.
We don't ask you anything too personal. If you want to call yourself Stephen, but your real name is Nick, that's your business, we really don't care. If somebody asks you during small talk what you do for a living, just tell him you don't want to talk about it and he won't go further into it. Just an FYI: some of our members are working for the police, the government or the church.
Is there a dresscode at Munches?
Yes and no. We would appreciate it if you wouldn't come in your leathers or your fet wear. This is not only because we meet at a public place like a bar or restaurant, but its also to not scare away new people who would like to join us.
(Even though most of the time fetish wear doesn't necessarily mean SM anymore these days, most people plain and simply just don't care as to what you wear.
Can I meet new people at your munches and can I exchange experiences?
We have founded this meeting to be able to do just that. Meet people that have the same interests, share stories and just have fun. The lifestyle is big and differential as life is and there are always some people there who know a bit about this and a bit about that.
I am sure there are only guys or couples.
Wrong again. If you are concerned about this, read the part in the FAQ concerning finding a partner
Why do I need an open meeting to talk about things that I do in my own four walls?
If you are asking this question, you obviously don't need one. Other people might not have a partner or are just interested in learning new things from people with experience. To exchange knowledge and just have fun nights out. Often you are even able to make new friends after a while. And friends are always good, especially if they have the same interests.
Why are you guys so concerned with all this? My own coming out was easy as pie and why shouldn't yours be any different?
In this lifestyle too, there are many types of people. Some are living their life the way you might, others don't. Some have self doubts or are scared, while others directly jump into the deep end. Most, however, are a bit on the shy side and for those people we are here to help.
Do I have to register for a munch?
No - just drop on in. And for those of you that don't feel comfortable to directly take this big jump, we do offer a private meeting with the orgas. Just send us a mail, or go through our contact page. After all, this way you have already seen one of us and have a friendly face to look forward to meeting again.
What if I don't find the right table?
We are really easy to find: on the table there is either a sign or something significantly SM descriptive.
I am shy, what will people think of me if I am just sitting there, not saying a word?
Then we think that a lot of us have been through the same in the beginning. Don't worry, this feeling will fade once you get to know a few more of us.
I am not sure if this is meant for me.
Most people think in the beginning that these "lifestylers" are different from themselves. Either you think your own fantasies might be too harmless for these people or you think the other way around. Not true. If you are a fetishist, prefer bondage, or not, enjoy SM or not, no matter the spectrum, you are right with us, as long as it is not illegal.
If you are interested in the lifestyle, the you are at the right place with us.
I am mainly interested in rubber / pissing games / or tiny asian females that drip cough syrup into my ears. Can you help me find a community of same-interest people?
We offer a contact point for everyone that is interested in a form of the lifestyle but we can't guarantee that there will be somebody with the same interest at every munch. But maybe somebody knows somebody...
No one is doing something without getting anything out for themselves. So what's the catch here?
We use the money we make from our membership fees to cover the bills, advertise and so on and so forth. Our munches and meetings don't cost you a thing (except food and drinks). We do these munches because we either enjoy the company of the people and to meet new people every time, or because we wished we could have had the opportunity to find something similar when we tried to come out. Most of us just want to help and make the experience a pleasant one.
I can't find anything perverted on your website. Your association must be a bureaucratic disguise and everything else rund behind the curtain.
Sorry, but can't help you there. What you see is what you get. Everything we do is explained on the website. There is no conspiracy anywhere. We just want to try to help out, give tips and tricks and offer the opportunity to talk. What happens afterwards, is all up to you.
Are you the SM-scene in Berlin?
No. There is no such thing as an official scene. Same as there is no official "vanilla scene", "gay scene" or hetero scene". The Lifestyle is just that, a lifestyle that coexists and overlaps with a lot of other lifestyles.
How about other SM-Groups? Are you competitors?
No. The offer in Berlin is very manageable anyway. We are happy to give tips when choosing a group. In addition, competitive thinking is really not our thing. We are all pulling in the same direction and would rather support each other.