FAQ concerning finding a partner

I am looking for a partner. Could you guys help me find one?

No. Plain and simple. We are not a "dating website". Often, there are matches found, both male and female, if the add is well written and honest. If you do need help, we are more than happy to provide you with some pointers.

Further Questions about Finding a Partner:

    I am looking for a partner. Will I find him / her with you guys?

    There is an urban myth that the first time you go to a munch, you find your perfect partner. Preferably so perfect that everything goes so perfect that you are married / collared within the first month and it holds forever. By just being perfectly honest we can tell you: "Dream on". This will never happen as just about nobody goes to a munch for this purpose. It's actually frowned upon to just go to munches to pick up chicks / dudes. Most of the time it is worth more to just make contacts, have nice chats. And you never know, you might find your dream partner at a munch, but probably not by trying out old, used pick up lines.
    Munches can help you boost your self esteem, come out of your shell and be able to talk about the topics that interest you, and if that leads to finding a partner that's right for you, the better.

    Isn't it a little bit hyproctitical to say that those munches are not meant for finding partners?

    People in the lifestyle are like all the other people on this worls as well. Sometimes they wanrt sex, sometimes they just want to talk or chat.
    If your only purpose it to pick somebody up, you are better serverd visiting one of Berlins different alternative events, which might be better suited for this purpose. If you however are looking for making contacts on a normal level, these meetings will be a great start.

    I have already tried "everything" but I still wasnt able to find the right partner for me. Isn't there really any way that you guys can help me out here?

    If we could, we would. Sadly, there is no love potion, no mind reading, and no way of finding the right partner "the easy way". Also for non-lifestyle-folks, finding the right partner is never easy. It really doesn't matter if there is a sexual preference or not.
    Often, if you write a good add on a serious forum, the chances of success of getting an answer  are not that bad. It also often helps if you ask for advice in proofreading. Members of mailing-lists are often more than happy to help you out in this aspect (as long as it is meant this way and has no hidden meaning behind it). Other than that, we can only encourage patience and making as many contacts as possible. Because only through those will you enhance your chances. Just do yourself a favor and don't come over desperate... because nothing is a bigger turn off than a desperate person. If you are too shy to even consider one of those approaches, professional help might be the right way for you.

    My partner doesn't want to do what I want. How can I convince her / him to try out the BDSM lifestyle?

    There are many answers to this question, and trying to get into them would be too much for this little FAQ. We do however have a few answers for you. Mailing lists have a lot of people with the same experiences in them. Just ask. The book "Die Wahl der Qual" also has some answers. And there are also often a few people at munches, who have gone through this problematic.
    We can basically only give you the following advice:

    1. Talk about your wishes and desires openly and concrete.
    2. Be patient.
    3. Sometimes it's just not the right partner and nothing can and will change that.

    I have the following sexual phantasy: (long story following) Who or how can I fullfill this fantasy?

    Again: we are NOT a dating website and only have very limited options to help you out.
    Roughly there are three ways:

    1. Write a short version of the fantasy in an ad and hope that you can find somebody looking for the same thing. If it is a not too attractive fantasy like "I'm going to work all day and night and then send all the money to you", it's probably not going to work. Most people don't like being used for the fulfillment of somebody else's fantasies.
    2. Find somebody who has roughly the same interests. When you get to know each other better, talk about the fantasy. Wait and see, and if that doesn't help, seek if a comparable fantasy between the two of you can be reached. If this doesn't work, rinse and repeat.
    3. Go to a professional and pay for the fulfillment of your fantasy.
    Scroll to Top